I have the best dog ever. I know everyone says that about their own dog, but in my case it’s true. Her name is Bailey, but I usually call her HB (short for Hellbeagle, a term of endearment given to her by my friend Eric when she refused to stop barking at him.) Today the little princess turns ten, and I’m on the other side of the world from her and don’t get to see her L So I decided to write her a tribute and hopefully she reads it.
Top ten things that make my dog better than all the other dogs:
10. She is more booksmart than street smart. For example, she is afraid of her own shadow, barks at the front door when a doorbell rings on television, and if you throw food to her expecting her to catch it she will just sit around looking dopey as it hits her right in the face. Also she falls in the pool kind of a lot.
However, I would put money on her being the world’s most knowledgeable beagle on African Politics. She has been my loyal study buddy for many years, and she’s the best study partner because she turns study time into snuggle time so I can happily spend hours upon hours frantically cramming information into my head because having her lying on my lap means there is absolutely nothing I’d rather be doing. She’s also pretty well versed in Canadian Law because whenever she steals my socks or acts horrible I yell sections of the Constitution pertaining to property rights at her. She knows!
9. Her lack of dog dignity (dognity?) makes her a source of endless entertainment. We can dress her up in stupid costumes and make her dance and she’s totally cool about it. She does a mean rendition of Beyonce’s “All the Single Ladies”. One time we made her a unicorn for St. Patrick’s Day, but she didn’t like that so much and gave us really cute grumpy faces.
8. She’s way more fun than kettlebells. Sometimes I use her for workouts. Specifically I pretend she’s a sandbag and then do squats and stuff.
7. She is certifiably insane. Yup, her first visit to the vet left us with prescriptions for both heartworm meds and anti-anxiety medication. CRAZY!!!
6. She is a diva. She struts around in her pink rhinestone collar like she owns the place. She’s in charge and she knows it. Once she looks at us with her big brown eyes we are powerless to refuse her demands. Luckily her demands are mostly about food and being let out to poop.
5. She’s willing to take the hit for her friends. About a year ago she got a little canine brother named Ben who likes to cause trouble. One time he went outside and tracked mud ALL OVER the kitchen floor and then massacred a bunch of “Hillary Clinton for President” stickers left over from the 2008 Democratic Primaries. (My thought is Ben is either an Obama supporter or a Republican. Maybe Nader?) Even though the entire mess was 100% his fault, she just sat in the middle of the collage of his muddy paw prints and shredded elections paraphernalia looking guilty.
4. She is a protector. She will defend her home and family until her vocal chords have been completely obliterated by her incessant howling. And burglars beware, those vocal chords have some crazy longevity. It’s actually pretty annoying. Nevertheless, she means well so we’ll put it on the plus side.
3. She is soooooooo cute! She’s a beagle, it’s in her DNA.
2. She’s a fighter. We got her from the humane society when she was about two, and it was pretty evident that her first two years were a little rough. In the early days we didn’t think she’d make it. Then there was a botched speying operation that left her minus one kidney. But now she’s a happy little beagle spoiled rotten with all the love and affection and snaussages a doggy could ever dream of.
1. She gets me. Me and her are like two peas in a pod. Even though she can’t talk and she doesn’t understand what I’m saying it doesn’t matter because we have an unspeakable bond that needs no words. Only love. And luckily there’s a whole lot of that!
I love you HB you make my heart sparkle J
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